Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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