sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
