Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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