Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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