TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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