last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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