I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she peed on how many people?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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