What did we do last night that was yellow?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
