Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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