cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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