I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
