im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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