sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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