Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
