Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
