Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
