How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
