for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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