i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
