thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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