Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
