Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
wow bdsm is so cute
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
