everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
