the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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