Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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