he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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