i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
