my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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