dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
