tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
