Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
