Buhtt sex?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
