and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
