she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
