Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
