If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
