yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
that's an acceptable place to lick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
