the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
