Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
