Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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