May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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