i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
