Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(226): View more from Ontario

forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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(970): View more from Colorado

she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener

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(970): View more from Colorado

oh and then you called a time out with your penis

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(517): View more from Michigan

She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.

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(613): View more from Ontario

MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.

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