My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
