i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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