How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
