we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
