I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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