i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
