Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
