remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
