The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
