We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
