Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
