I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
