I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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