Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize