saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
