Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
