If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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