Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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