Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
