my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
