guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
