Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
