ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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