dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
