He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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