And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
