Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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