I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
