What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
