Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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