I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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