my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
