You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize