just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
