Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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