And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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