I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize