i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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