She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
