I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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