Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
