The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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