you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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