you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
