if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize