Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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