Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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