just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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