He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
