She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
