Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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