I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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