I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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