This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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