insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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