Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
