apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
